Once upon a villainous violinist
by The Cinnamon Chaos
Summary: The second Sailor Moon story by me. The sun turns white and everyone gets scared. The Sailor Scouts have an estranged relationship with a rather moody hippo. Hair spray will save the day! HWA HA HA HA!


The Second Chronicle of Cinnamon's Sailor Moon  
  
  
By The Cinnamon Chaos  
  
Disclaimer: Well, excuse me! I can't believe you are all so paranoid that you  
have to force me to admit I don't own these people! (Cinnamon begins hiding  
his secret plans to steal the Sailor Moon industry.)  
P.S: I own the fucking hippo! The hippo is mine and you can't have him!  
Back you fucking ass cannibals! AHHHH!!  
  
Hello! I am BAAAAAAAACK! Ignore the explosions! They don't mean  
anything! In answer to the Princess of the planet HyPe's request, I have done  
another Sailor Moon fanfic. I promise nothing. But I guarantee it will  
be............................ well I don't know. Enjoy!@  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Once upon a villainous violinist, the sun rose and everyone saw that during  
the night, the sun had turned white and the sky had turned black. The terror  
spread from horizon to horizon, as everyone saw the sun rise in white and  
black. People were scared. President Bush announced an announcing national  
announcement, announcing that his announcement needed to be announced  
or else it would not be an announcement, and therefore he couldn't announce  
it. So he just did it anyway. The president ordered that everyone in the  
airforce be shipped home, all scientist put on AIDS curing research, and all  
housewives under the age of thirteen bathe until they had more wrinkles than  
Mother Theresa. The hours turned into more hours, and those hours turned  
into even more hours, until finally, the power of Pantene Pro-V Ultra Firm  
hairspray shined through the darkness like a true hero.  
  
Serena was standing in front of a hippopotamus, trying to transmutate it into  
a giant mirror by using the powers of magic hairy dust. When she threw the  
hairy dust it went into the hippo's eyes, up its nose, and down its throat. The  
hippo was allergic to the Yeti hairs and silicon fragments the dust contained  
into it went into recoil. The hippo started expanding and shooting fat girls out  
of it's nose. The fat girls chose a leader and made a military formation. The  
head fat girl, Treodosia VonFatsteen, ordered the fat girl army against  
Serena.  
  
Serena panicked and began crying. "LUNA!" she wailed. "COME HERE  
AND SAVE ME! I'M WAITING! I'M CHECKING MY WATCH! LUNA,  
YOU'RE LATE! LUNA, I'M GETTING BORED! LUNA THIS! LUNA  
THAT! GAWD DAMMIT! LUNA LUNA LUNA! COME SAVE ME YOU  
FREAKIN' HAIRBALL! WHY THE HELL DO I FEED YOU?!  
LUNA!!!"  
  
The fat girls and Serena waited in anticipation, awaiting Luna's expected  
heroic rescue. They stood there for a while. Finally, Luna flew by overhead  
in an ARMY jet and threw a white flag down at Serena and shouted, "Ah ah  
ah ah, stayin' alive! Stayin' alive! You go girl!" The white flag hit Serena in  
the forehead and Serena vomited right then and there. Luna started making  
out with the handsome army commander who was flying the jet and  
whispering sweet fur into his ear.  
  
Serena stamped her foot. "Well hell," she muttered. She pulled out the broach  
that contained the Moon Crystal and shouted, "Moon Crystal Flour!" Serena  
was surrounded by bright lights and transformed into a bag of flour wearing a  
sailor dress and a tiara. Treodosia and the fat girls marched forward.  
Treodosia picked up the Sailor Flour Bag and dumped it out into her mouth.  
She swallowed the flour that had once been a Sailor fighter and chomped it  
down her massive stalk of a throat. The other fat girls got jealous and hungry  
so they jumped Treodosia from behind and began eating her like castrated  
termites. As Treodosia's stomach was devoured, Sailor Moon popped out and  
screamed, "Never send a baking ingredient to do a superhero's job!" Serena's  
fist began flying at the fat girls, and there was mass keeling over everywhere.  
  
That was when Sailor Mars showed up. Mars was wearing her sailor suit, but  
for some reason she was dancing the Irish jig while singing the Swedish  
opera, and she was being followed around by the committee of national  
differentiation.   
  
The Klu Klux Klan showed up not long afterwards. A horde of high Jewish  
people rushed out into the streets and began cracking jokes at the KKK  
people. The hippo--who was feeling left out--started hitting on Sailor Moon.  
Moon and the hippo teamed up and began slapping control collars across the  
neck of every Sam, Joe, and Nazi. When the hippo pressed a shiny red button  
on a shiny metal remote, the KKK people's shiny heads exploded into a shiny  
whirlwind of shiny red blood. The Jewish people began cheering and  
whipping out their bongs and joints and smoked up a massive purple cloud.  
Since the fumes surrounded the entire city of Tokyo, everyone became high.  
The committee of national differentiation became so happy that they attacked  
each other with throwing stars. Sailor Mars whipped out a bucket and began  
puking in it.   
  
Sailor Mercury showed up next, arriving in a tornado that also carried a large  
house and a redhead named Dorothy. Mercury and Dorothy breathed in the  
pot smoke and started experiencing lesbian sex. As Dorothy was preparing  
the dental dam she accidentally slipped and swallowed it. The dental dam  
caught in her throat, causing poor Dorothy to suffocate. Dorothy's face turned  
blue and she keeled over and died. The hippo walked over and sat on her. The  
dental dam rocketed out of Dorothy's mouth and flew the air.  
  
Sailor Venus had just arrived on the scene, strutting around and shaking her  
head like a stuck up movie star, when the flying dental dam crashed into her  
head and killed her instantly. Artemis was with her and he started laughing  
his furry little ass off. But then Venus fell on top of him and squished the life  
out of him.  
  
Mercury got up and called up Sailor Jupiter on her cell phone. Jupiter agreed  
to come on over, but the cell phone exploded at Mercury's ear and blew her  
brains out.  
  
Jupiter showed up riding a pogo stick. But as everyone had a closer look,  
they realized that she was humping the pogo stick. That explained why  
Jupiter was screaming, "Oh, ride me like a pinball!"  
  
Serena sat down at a local diner and began to eat a mean cheesecake.  
  
Mars snatched the pogo stick away from Jupiter and began beating her  
senseless with it. Jupiter counterattacked by eating the pogo stick. Mars  
slipped and fell into Jupiter's wide open mouth and was swallowed whole.  
  
Well, Jupiter had been eating a very unwise diet lately, so she decided to top  
it all off by rapidly consuming Serena's cheesecake. Serena watched in tears  
as her beautiful moist luxurious cheesecake went down the throat of the  
bipolar cow she called a friend. But it didn't end there.  
  
The hippo, who was having a lovely Thanksgiving dinner with it's mother-in-  
law and her secret lesbian lover, was sucked into Jupiter's gaping mouth,  
genital warts and all.  
  
The load of food Jupiter had just eaten migrated to her large intestines and  
began to swell. Jupiter had to crap so badly that all she could think about was  
dinner and dancing at Taco Bell. Jupiter took a shit in the middle of the street.  
The force of the crap that erupted from her butthole was so powerful that it  
tore Jupiter's ass apart and the rest of her body was turned inside out. That  
was when Jupiter died of embarrassment.  
  
Now only Serena was left. The Jewish people thought it would be funny to  
set her hair on fire. They were right. The flaming meatball head ran around  
screaming for Luna.  
  
But Luna could not hear her, for the cat was on a tropical island in the  
Carribean, laying in a hammock while dozens of hunky male strippers  
violently competed for her affection by attacking each other with homosexual  
glazed hams.  
  
Serena instead shouted for Darian, who came in an instant because he was a  
pussy whipped bitch who couldn't stand up to a Madagascaran prostitute, let  
alone a Japanese whore like Serena.  
  
"DARIAN!" Serena screamed, pointing to her infernal hairdo. "FIX MY  
HAIR OR I'LL TORTURE YOU AFTER SUPPER! THE POPE IS  
COMING OVER AND HE'S BRINGING THOSE WHIPS YOU LIKE SO  
MUCH!"  
  
"Yes mistress," Darian whimpered. "I'll fix you're hair mistress." Darian  
pulled out a bottle of Pantene Pro-V Ultra Firm hairspray and doused  
Serena's hair with it, all the while smiling with glee.  
  
Serena's head exploded like an agitated volcano. Darian and the Jewish  
people were obliterated instantly. But the blast continued to sear the whole  
world. Once the fire had destroyed all life on earth, it spread out into space  
and destroyed the moon. God/Spirit/(whatever you may believe in) realized  
that the sun had not turned white, it was just the moon. The sun was a little  
ways over to the left and doing just fine.  
  
And so boys and girls, that is how Darian and Serena saved the sun with the  
power of hairspray. But still many questions are left unanswered, Questions  
like: What happens next? What is the origin of man? Does this story have a  
sequel? Why does Serena style her hair like a pasta? Did the mailman come  
today? Did the cranberry I shoved up my nose dislodge my brain and take its  
place? All the answers to these questions and more, on the next episode of  
Squirky the Wasted Traveling Salesman! Same fucking time, same fucking  
network! Happy Turkey Day!   
  
*This ends our broadcast day*  
  
*bleep* 


End file.
